My 5 Favorite Scary Music Videos

UPDATE: Use this playlist to view all these videos, plus eleven more! Click the playlist button at the bottom of the video to choose the specific songs mentioned in this list. (The Jet video is no longer available on YouTube.)


In celebration of Halloween, I'd like to share with you five music videos that always give me a good dose of the jibblies. YouTube links will be provided. Please keep in mind that most of these videos are inappropriate for kids, and anyone who does not wish to have nightmares should not view these videos.

5. Jet, "Look What You've Done" (dir. Robert Hales)
Robert Hales' video for Jet's single "Look What You've Done" isn't scary 'cause of what it shows. It's scary 'cause of what it doesn't show. The video features the Australian rockers in the middle of an animated forest, complete with Disney-esque furry woodland creatures, awakened by the sound of Jet's sweet balladry. But the critters soon turn vicious as the song reaches its bridge and day turns to night. In addition to the animals sudden change of character, most of them end up getting killed by a creature that remains unseen, save for it's yellow eyes and sinister smile. Another thing that adds to the creepiness factor of this video is the fact that the song in no way supports the visuals. It's almost as if Hales already had this idea set in stone, and at the last minute decided to drop Jet into the middle of it with their sugary-sweet melodies. It's a brilliant non-sequitur that ultimately adds up to an undeniably disturbing vid.

4. Interpol, "Evil" (dir. Charlie White)
Photographer and creature designer Charlie White makes his music video debut with this surreal and ultimately unnerving video for New York quartet Interpol. He definitely picked the right song for the job; "Evil" is not only the best song off Antics, the obtuseness of the lyrics allows White to do whatever he wants as far as the visuals are concerned. So, he decided to create a humanoid puppet modeled after the physical features of the band, stuck him in the middle of a car crash, and then had him dance around on a gurney. The puppet, which fans have dubbed "Norman," is creepy enough just standing still, but when it starts singing and dancing around, it's all the more disturbing. Plus, the puppeteers didn't quite nail the lip-synch, creating this disembodied voice effect. Creepy!

3. Daft Punk, "Technologic" (dir. Daft Punk)
After a string of successful videos by Spike Jonze and Michel Gondry, Daft Punk decided to take to the cameras themselves for their third album, Human After All. "Technologic" may have become a hit through a prominent iPod commercial, but the actual video tells quite a different story. More creepy puppets, only this time the featured creature sports a metallic, skeletal exterior, plus some mad-creepy eyeballs and a distorted mouth. Daft Punk (they're the two guys in robot costumes in the video) then props their demented robot up on a podium reminiscent of something out of 1984. Oh, and for some reason, someone on YouTube marked this video as "inappropriate." Go figure.

2. UNKLE, "Eye for an Eye" (dir. Shynola and Ruth Lingford)
The longest video in our countdown, and also the only computer animated one. UNKLE had touched upon the creepiness factor before, when MTV pulled their video for "Rabbit In Your Headlights" on the grounds that it was "too disturbing." A hard act to follow, for sure, but Shynola and Ruth Lingford's six-and-a-half minute video for the Never, Never Land single "Eye for an Eye" surpasses "Rabbit" in terms of scares, creepy imagery, and a definitely unnerving ending. Set in a fairytale world where happy little creatures eat fruit and frolic around. That is, until an unexpected surprise drops into their village. Soon, their greed and desire lead to terrifying consequences. Watch the video and tell me those creatures with the gnashing teeth aren't the scariest things you've ever seen. What could possibly top this video?

1. Aphex Twin, "Come to Daddy" (dir. Chris Cunningham)
Oh right. This one. Chris Cunningham is a director synonymous with fucked up, scary-ass images, and his first video for Richard D. James (aka Aphex Twin) is no exception. The video for "Come to Daddy" meshed with the song so well that one can't hear the song without envisioning all the creepy visuals that make up Cunningham's masterpiece. It's got everything: dank, dirty alleyways; sinister groups of children, each with the face of Richard James digitally applied onto their own; and a freakishly tall, humanoid mutant crawling out of a discarded TV, only to howl voraciously at the video's elderly protagonist. This video is definitely one for the ages, or rather, one for the Dark Ages.

Honorable Mention:
The Horrors, "Sheena is a Parasite" (dir. Chris Cunningham)
Chris Cunningham returned briefly from his music video sabbatical to deliver a two-minute vid for British punk group The Horrors, featuring actress Samantha Morton in the title role. Pretty damn creepy, but way too short to fully capture Cunningham's deranged visual style.

"Black" (dir. Saiman Chow for Adicolor)
Last summer, Adidas commissioned a bunch of experimental filmmakers to do videos based on various colors. While the aforementioned Charlie White, whose video "Pink" is pretty damn disturbing, it's Saiman Chow's video for "Black" that takes the cake. Starring a stop-motion panda and fish who play a game of Russian roulette, the video references everything from the Brothers Quay to Sesame Street, all while retaining its own unnerving visual style.

My Thoughts Exactly

"Saw III was not prescreened for critics. It doesn’t need to be. The midnight preview I attended last night was packed with folks who don’t mind seeing Hollywood beat a dead horse, which, come to think of it, is the one sadistic act that the Saw producers have yet to show us on film."

--John Monaghan, Detroit Free Press

Read the whole review.

The Indecent "Descent"

Are our expectations of horror films so low that whenever a filmmaker comes out with a horror film that's only slightly better, everybody drops a load and won't stop blabbering on about how brilliant it is?

Case in point: The Descent. I heard nothing but good things about it, I went to see it, and it sucked. People wouldn't stop saying how revolutionary it was, and how it redefines the horror genre. But all throughout my viewing, I couldn't help but count how many other horror films had already covered the same ground, and did a much better job at it.

Tom Long at The Detroit News said that the film "revives and electrifies a genre that veers too often toward self-parody." True, recent slasher flicks have started to feel too much like comedies (check: Jason, Freddy, and Chuckie franchises). So much so, that films which are actual parodies of the horror genre (Shaun of the Dead for one) contain genuine scares. But there's a difference between paying homage to the horror classics of the past and ripping off every single classic horror motif, then pasting it all together in an incomprehensible mess that makes no attempt at plausibility, character development, or even a good ending.

A lot of folks have been comparing this film to Alien and for good reason. Both films contain female leads who have to evolve from defenseless supporting characters to bad-ass killing machines. And hey, it's always nice to have a critic mention a classic horror movie on your posters, 'cause then people will think that your movie's good, too!

But there's a little problem: It took Sigourney Weaver's character TWO films to achieve complete bad-assery. In The Descent, the process takes no longer than thirty seconds. It's like "Alien Lite," all the scares, half the plot.

And there are scares, don't get me wrong. But they're not fun scares. Fun scares are when something jumps out at you, but it has a reason to. The scares in The Descent are all for effect, and nothing else. After the fifth or six orchestra sting, I was pretty much able to predict where this film was headed, even though our cave-dwelling heroines weren't.

I'd like to get back to the plausibility of The Descent. Most of the time, plausibility flies out the window of your average horror film, anyway. That's why the average horror film is never a good horror film. The best, however, provide a context and background for the scares. In Alien, they plan ahead by setting their film in the future (how groundbreaking!). That way, they can justify the existence of...hint-hint...ALIEN CREATURES! In The Descent, all events take place in the here and now and, oddly enough, in the Appalachian mountains of North Carolina. So my question to the filmmakers is this: How can you justify flesh-eating, cave-dwelling, no-seeing mutants in present day North Carolina without first establishing that this film takes place either in a parallel universe (like the one in all the "Godzilla" films where everyone in Japan just takes Godzilla for granted and are never surprised when he shows up) or in the future. 'Cause lemme tell you, I live in North Carolina, and I don't run into these mutant things all that much.

Other recent horror films like the Saw franchise (yes, it's a franchise now) and Hostel aren't much better, but at least they're realistic, or at least as realistic as a horror film can be. A deranged serial killer who puts his victims into sinister "puzzles" makes a lot more sense than blind zombies who dwell in caverns underneath the Blue Ridge Parkway. Hopefully, writer/director Neil Marshall will be able to look past his own hype and make the necessary revisions on his next film. Maybe an Alien sequel?

More original films than you can shake a stick at...

For those that don't know, I'm currently in a class called "Variations on the One-Minute Film," and one of my assignments is to keep up a video blog where I will post quick little one-minute experimental videos that I have made. The blog can be viewed here, and it features a ton of new material I've been working on. Here's the most recent short film, entitled Late Night Tales pt.1:

Bravo, Bravia!

What could possibly revive DiMattiaFilms from its dormant slumber? Why, this kickass commercial from Sony Bravia, of course!

Directed by music video guru Jonathan Glazer, who is also responsible for the features Sexy Beast and Birth, the commercial depicts huge eruptions of very well-choreographed paint splotches wreaking havoc all over a British apartment complex. Watch and be amazed!

When you're done gawking, see how they did it.

Three Album Reviews in 75 Words or Less

The Decemberists, The Crane Wife

Everyone’s favorite nautical-themed, Alexandre Dumas-reading lit-pop indie rockers from Oregon are back. With The Crane Wife, they’ve delivered their major-label debut, which takes a page from both the Who and Pink Floyd songbooks, resulting in a prog-rock stunner with all the meandering experimentation of Dark Side of the Moon, but with the powerful immediacy of Who’s Next. Plus, their songs are about murderous butchers and magical women who transform into birds. What’s not to love?

Beck, The Information

Beck returns with the real “return to Odelay” record after the faux-nostalgia of 2005’s mediocre Guero. But there’s so much more to love than just blasts from the past. On The Information, Beck walks a tightrope between the shameless psychedelia of Midnite Vultures and the heart-on-my-sleeve frankness of Sea Change. It’s a gamble, but it pays off. Check the last track for bonus dialogue about spaceships, between filmmaker Spike Jonze and humorist Dave Eggers.

Jet, Shine On

Jet are musical chameleons. Their Oasis tracks sound just like Oasis, their Beatles tracks just like the Fab Four. Is there any band these guys can’t sound like? Yes, themselves. Still, it may be imitation, but damn it if it ain’t good-sounding imitation. Leadoff single “Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is” is their catchiest tune yet, and the title track achieves a climax second only to “Hey Jude.” Damn it, another imitation!

Threadless Rebounds

I love Threadless as much as the next person, but lately, I was beginning to think they had lost their edge and just decided to print a bunch of boring, unfunny and/or overtly Abercrombie & Fitch-esque T-shirts. So, imagine my surprise when this week, they come out with not one, but THREE shirts I want!


Featuring a certain someone's bright red bicycle underneath this famous Texan landmark, it's an easy reference to Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. But I mean, c'mon, it's a reference to Pee-Wee's Big Adventure!


'Nother reference shirt, this time to the vast library of musical speed freaks They Might Be Giants. Or rather, just one song in their vast library (though, note the sun in the corner, referencing the Giants' hit "Why Does the Sun Shine?")


I never thought much of these new Type Tees, but this one is pretty darn funny. If you can't read the type, it says:

Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

A Quote from Garrison Keillor

"Pick up a newspaper and read about Congress and you will find yourself yelling at walls and terrifying the cat. Last week, Congress moved to suspend habeas corpus, one thing that distinguishes a civil society from a police state. Reaction was muted.

Then the Party of Family Values was revealed to have protected a sexual predator in its midst until finally a reporter asked some pointed questions and the honorable gentleman resigned and ran off to recovery camp: This level of hypocrisy takes a person's breath away. You thought that Abramoff, Norquist, Reed & DeLay had established new lows, but the elevator is still descending.

The power of righteous vexation is what keeps so many old Democrats hanging on in nursing homes long past the time they should have kicked off. Ancient crones from FDR's time are still walking the halls, kept alive by anger at what has been done to our country. Old conservationists, feminists, grizzled veterans of the civil rights era fight off melanoma, emphysema, Montezuma, thanks to the miracle drug of anger. Slackers and cynics abound, not to mention nihilists in golf pants and utter idiots. Time to clean some clocks. As Frost might have written, 'The woods are lovely, dark and thick. But I have many butts to kick and some to poke and just one stick.'"

A Word About Misleading DVD Covers

This just might be one of the worst-assembled DVD covers I have ever seen. The Great New Wonderful, a brilliant and quite dark film about New Yorkers coping with the hassles of everyday life one year after 9/11, is in no way, shape or form the "brilliant comedy" the front of the box proclaims it to be. Also, I can't think of a single moment in the film where Maggie Gyllenhaal is smiling, nor can I think of any scenes where Tony Shalhoub is anywhere but in an employee breakroom (please note the background; I don't think they have bottles of fine wine in breakrooms). They also make it look like those two actors meet each other in the course of the film, but they don't.

I swear, the people that assembled this cover art most definitely did not see the film in question. It reminds me of the cover to Layer Cake, another brilliant thriller starring soon-to-be-James-Bond actor Daniel Craig as a middleman in London drug deals. Not only does the box give away important plot points in its description, it propels actress Sierra Miller to the forefront, making it look like she has a leading role (she's only in three scenes). Likewise, in The Great New Wonderful, Stephen Colbert, hilarious man that he is, only receives about six or seven minutes of screen time, but you'd never tell by his top billing on the DVD cover.

What are some other misleading DVD covers you've come across? I can't think of any more off the top of my head, but I know they're out there.

Blogs They Are A-Changin'

Last night, I finally decided to get off my ass and start making those changes I was telling you guys about. The most obvious change is the brand new Flash header at the top of the screen. I decided to retire the old header photo (which you can still view here) and replace it with this new image I found on Flickr by jsee. You can view the full image by clicking on his name in the bottom right-hand-corner of the header.

As for the other changes, they are as follows:

• Short Films on YouTube: I have eight short films posted on YouTube that I either created or worked on in some way. I'm still working on putting some of the old works up onto YouTube, so keep your eyes peeled for those in the next couple of days.
  
• Mixtapes: I've retired the "Don't Come Knocking" summer mixtape, but a new one, entitled "Airwave Rebellion," is on the way.
  
• Original Music: My first release, Bagel for President EP, is now available for free download. It features three original tracks and three covers: "Papa Was a Rodeo" by The Magnetic Fields, "Happy Together" by The Turtles, and "Teardrop" by Massive Attack. Some of these I have released in the past, but the versions presented here have been remastered and all the vocals have been rerecorded, so give it a listen!

That's all I've got so far. Let me know what you think of the changes by leaving a comment or sending me an e-mail!

CD-Swapping Service Featured in UNCW Newspaper

The campus newspaper here at UNCW, The Seahawk, has just printed an article on La La, the CD-swapping service I keep plugging on here (because it's awesome!) If you have a lot of actual CDs lying around your place (like I do), and would rather trade 'em for other used CDs instead of a measly buck-fifty at the used music store, give La La a shot.

October 3: International Music Awareness Day

Not really, but you'd think it from all the new releases coming out that day. I've included a couple MP3s from each release. Enjoy!

Akron/Family, Meek Warrior

• "Gone Beyond"
  Thanks to Stereogum

Beck, The Information

• "Strange Apparition"
  
• "1000 BPM"
  Thanks to Noise for Toaster

The Decemberists, The Crane Wife

• "Summersong"
  
• "Sons and Daughters"
  Thanks to Punkrawkmusicblog and Eamonn Fitzgerald's Rainy Day

Jet, Shine On

• "Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is" (SpeedyShare file, can't right-click)
  
• "Come On Come On"
  Thanks Berg Loves Pizza and Stereogum

The Killers, Sam's Town

• "Bones" (Ripped from BBC Radio 1)
  
• "When You Were Young"
  Thanks to Zappin' It To Ya and Can You See the Sunset From the Southside?

Sean Lennon, Friendly Fire

• "Dead Meat"
  
• "Parachute"
  Thanks to I Guess I'm Floating and Musecology

Notes On Shadow

I am happy to announce that, despite my initial speculation, the new DJ Shadow album The Outsider is pretty sweet. Opener and leaked track "This Time (I'm Gonna Try It My Way)" is hands-down the best song on here, and while the first half of the album is exactly the kind of glossy, mainstream-sounding rap Shadow's been avoiding on his past albums, they are still pretty solid tracks. Everything comes to a head on the seven-minute "Backstage Girl," with raps provided by Phonte Coleman, has Shadow pulling all the stops out of his vinyl collection to deliver a solid production, while Coleman delivers some hilarious lines about a hookup gone wrong (best line on the album: "I gotta stop fuckin' wit these ho's offa MySpace, dawg.") I could've done without the proliferation of tracks that start out with shout-outs like "DJ Shadow on this bitch!!" or "DJ Shadow up on this mothafucka!" Um...yeah, I know who the DJ is on this album. You don't need to remind me.

I see that iTunes and Amazon.com customers have already given The Outsider an average rating of 2 stars, which leads me to believe they didn't know anything about this album before they bought it. Listen to a couple of the hip-hop tracks like "Enuff" and "3 Freaks" first, then read the All Music Guide review that explains what Shadow's trying to accomplish, then decide if you still want to buy it.

We Are The Spinto Bruts

On Monday night, I was witness to four hours of the most energetic rock-n-roll ever to hit the small town of Carrboro, North Carolina. The Cat's Cradle was already abuzz with the sounds of The Spinto Band when my friends and I entered the venue. Yeah, we were a little late. Sorry, Spinto Band! But we did show up just in time to hear them piledrive through their debut album, Nice and Nicely Done, including an exceptionally rocking live version of their hit song, "Oh Mandy," whose brilliant Jon Watts-directed video can be viewed here.

Then it was time for Art Brut, the muthafuckin' band I muthafuckin' came to see! They were in fine form, too. Blasting onto the stage with a brief cover of "Back in Black" before jumping right into their ubiquitous hit single, "Formed a Band." It didn't take long for their energy to reach its breaking point, as lead singer Eddie Argos finally gave into crowd demand and jumped into the audience during a particularly ear-bleeding version of "Modern Art." The antics continued as Argos started jumping-rope with the microphone chord, all the while guitarist Jasper Future is shredding away to the tune of "These Animal Menswe@r." Other highlights included the four new songs, my fav being the surprisingly melodic "Nag Nag Nag Nag"; Argos' monologue in the middle of "Emily Kane" (my fav Art Brut song), in which he says "If Jay-Z were here, he would be telling me, 'Eddie, you got 99 problems. Don't make the bitch one of 'em.' And I would say, 'Jay-Z, I don't appreciate your misogynistic attitude towards women'"; and finally, a madcap call-and-response in the middle of their final song, "Good Weekend," that went as follows...

Eddie: Art Brut!
Audience: TOP OF THE POPS!
Eddie: The Spinto Band!
Audience: TOP OF THE POPS!
Eddie: We Are Scientists!
Audience: TOP OF THE POPS!

While I am not well-versed in the catalogue of the night's main course, We Are Scientists, I had heard their latest LP, With Love and Squalor, so I at least knew a couple songs. However, at no point during WAS's hour-long set did I feel left out of the action. The band was so into it and the audience happily followed as WAS pummeled their way through Love and Squalor highlights like "Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt," "The Scene is Dead," and "Cash Cow." Their banter was hilarious, too, which is rare for most of the bands I've seen this year (with the exception of the eels' set, but theirs was most-certainly planned out). Stories ranged from why Chris Cain's bass is wireless and lead singer Keith Murray's guitar is not (answer: Keith "didn't qualify" for a wireless), when Keith expected Chris to fall off the stage 'cause he forgot to tie his shoelaces (answer: three-and-a-half minutes), and a shameless plug for their new "What Would We Are Scientists Do?" wristbands (WWWASD?, of course). The absolute highlight of their set, as well as the highlight of the evening, was when they performed the sole cover of the night, a heart-stopping rendition of The Ronettes' "Be My Baby."

Another interesting thing of note was that Art Brut leader Eddie Argos was standing in the audience for the majority of WAS's set, and jumped onto the stage, along with Jasper Future, to join in on "The Great Escape," the last song of the evening. All in all, a kickass night of damn straight indie rock. And in the end, isn't it all that matters?

I had a photograph of Art Brut's setlist, but my cameraphone refuses to let me upload it to my computer. So, here's the lo-fi, text only version:

• Intro (AC/DC - "Back in Black")
  
• Formed a Band
  
• Bang Bang Rock & Roll
  
• These Animal Menswe@r
  
• Bad Weekend
  
• Blame it on the Trains (new song)
  
• Moving to L.A.
  
• Rusted Guns of Milan
  
• Modern Art
  
• St. Pauli (new song)
  
• Post Soothing Out (new song)
  
• Emily Kane
  
• Nag Nag Nag Nag (new song)
  
• 18,000 Lira
  
• My Little Brother
  
• Good Weekend

Weird Al's New Polka Mix

Thanks, Stereogum. You just made my day.

"Weird Al" Yankovic - "Polkarama"


My favorite tracks on Weird Al albums have always been the polka medleys. No matter how many food or TV jokes he throws into his full-length parodies, nothing gets me chuckling uncontrollably more than brief polka-ized versions of Top 40 tracks. He even picks some really good ones this time through, including Coldplay, Gorillaz, Modest Mouse, and Franz Ferdinand. Straight Outta Lynwood drops 9/29.

My mega-post about the We Are Scientists/Art Brut concert last night is on the way! Stay tuned!

Lots of Watts

There are some pretty sweet music videos out there right now. The Spinto Band's "Oh Mandy," TV on the Radio's "Wolf Like Me," as well as some past videos by Death Cab For Cutie and The Thrills. Little did I know that they were all directed by the same person!

Meet Jon Watts. The director of ten music videos and three television commercials, each piece he works on looks and feels so different from his past works that he almost takes the form of a creative chameleon. With a body of work as exceptional as this, Watts may be poised to become the next Michel Gondry. Take a look:

The Spinto Band - "Oh Mandy"


The Thrills - "The Irish Keep Gate-Crashing"


All of his videos can be viewed in QuickTime format at the link above. I also recommend Death Cab for Cutie's "Soul Meets Body" video as well as the Frosted Flakes and NY Times commercials, the latter of which uses one of my favorite songs, "Me and My Arrow" by Harry Nilsson.

Facebook Drama

While I have personally swore never to create a MySpace page (still hasn't happened, bitches!), I am an avid user of Facebook. And now, it seems the craze has reached an apex, what with the News Feed controversy and all.

But it was this group that freaked me out the most. The "If this group reaches 100,000 my girlfriend will have a threesome" group is one of the sickest, yet utterly compelling, ideas ever created on Facebook. I haven't stooped to the point of actually joining said group, but to tell you the truth, I admire the creator's courage for creating a group with such a single-minded intention. If only he didn't look like such a dick.

Oh well. There you have it folks. All it took was a Harvard student's complex social networking experiment to help a sex-craved Atlanta, GA resident achieve male fantasy heaven. Hooray for Web 2.0.

UPDATE: So, it turned out the whole thing was a scam. Big surprise.

Trying New Things

Sorry if some of you caught a weird post on your RSS feeds (if any of you are doing that kinda thing). I'm testing a new Dashboard widget from Google that let's me post directly to my blog from the Dashboard. So far, it's working alright, though it's still in extreme beta mode (and I don't mean the "beta" mode Blogger and Flickr have been in for ages).

If you wanna see for yourself and give these beta widgets a shot, you can download 'em here.

Vandervelde Invites You to Make His Album Cover

Just got an e-mail from Chicago musician David Vandervelde, inviting people to submit sexy photographs of themselves (no porn, please) for a chance to adorn the cover of his debut album. Send your pics to imhot@davidvandervelde.com.

Here's a couple of his tracks to get you in the mood:

David Vandervelde - "Jacket" (mp3)

David Vandervelde - "Feet of a Liar" (mp3)

Hear more at his myspace page.

Ask Good Questions

For a little over a decade, there's been a disturbing trend in the advertising world that I like to call "Try Again Later" advertising. This is the practice of putting on, in public, a notice that is cryptic and vague as to what is being sold, and no further information is revealed until later in the marketing scheme. Example: When the Swiffer came out, it was preceded by a slew of commercials promising a "new breakthrough in cleaning technology." The commercials never told you what the product was, or even what it looked like. It just said it was "coming soon." You would have to return to that channel at a later time (usually, a couple weeks later) to see a follow-up commercial explaining what, exactly, the first commercial was all about. Thus, the phrase "Try Again Later."

The most recent victim of "Try Again Later" advertising (from here on in, referred to as "TAL advertising") is Cartoon Network, a channel I grew up with and now adore for its Adult Swim block of shows (most specifically, Venture Bros.). Their regular programming has undergone a new marketing campaign where commercial breaks are bookended by clips of the most obscure jokes from their respective TV shows, usually followed by a split-second flash of the Cartoon Network logo and the slogan "Yes." (which is such a overtly ridiculous and irrelevant slogan that if you think about it too long, your head might explode). Anyway, the network tried a similar campaign on billboards, where they would simply show the obscure quote from the cartoon and not show who said it or even what the billboard was advertising. This led to a ridiculous amount of confusion on all sides and gave me the unfortunate fate of having to drive by a solid red billboard with the words "I pooted." in bright yellow text every time I had to drive back to college. Eventually, the network sent the billboard guys back out to finish the ads, by adding a drawing of the character who said the line (in my example, Cheese from "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends") and the Cartoon Network logo.

Those last two paragraphs are merely a preface for my main argument and that is this: COLLEGE STUDENTS, STOP TRYING TO EMULATE THIS ADVERTISING PRACTICE. It's not a very good practice for the professionals to be doing anyway, and college students have proven time and time again that they're even worse at it. TAL advertising consists of two phases: (1) the cryptic, vague and confusing initial advertisements, usually posted in a place where everyone can see them repeatedly and where they can be easily replaced by the ads in phase (2) which are the ads that explain what the first ads were all about in addition to plugging whatever product/service/TV show/etc. they intended.

For some reason, when college students attempt TAL advertising, they seem to leave out phase two of their marketing plan, obviously the most important phase. Or they put the explanatory ads in such an obscure place that no one reads them and no one ever figures out what the phase one ads were all about. This happened last year when a bunch of sidewalk chalk ads spread out all over campus proposed the following piece of advice: "Ask her." That's it. Just those two words. "Ask her?" Who's her? Ask her about what, in particular? Should I ask her in passing or be upfront about it? It racked my brain for weeks at a time as I tried to figure out what on earth I should be asking, and to what unfortunate female I should be querying. No further information was provided as to the nature of these ads (big surprise), and it wasn't until much later in the semester that I overheard that the campaign was part of my campus' Health Services department's effort to get people tested for STDs. At least, that was the rumor. I will never know for certain what "Ask her" meant, but I am almost certain it was a failed attempt at emulating TAL advertising.

This year, the same thing is cropping up again. Hundreds of bumper sticker-sized signs have appeared all over campus with the simple plea to "Ask good questions." They've also appeared in really annoying places, too, like inside the elevator of my apartment building and in the stairwells of various campus buildings, so you can't avoid them. What do they mean? Who should I be asking good questions to? What defines a "good question"? I'll probably never know as yet another incompetent campus organization neglects phase two of their TAL marketing operation. Meanwhile, all that paper and all that sidewalk chalk was spent for naught. What a waste.

Here's a good question: Why don't advertisements simply be upfront about what it is, exactly, that they are advertising so people will be more likely to follow the ads instructions and use/buy/watch whatever product/service/TV show they are advertising?